Comments are a blogger’s report card. They let us know if we’re growing, if anyone’s actually interested. Why in the world someone would want to reduce the grade on their blog report, I haven’t the slightest clue, but just in case you do…
Here are a few ways to make sure you don’t receive comments:
1. Require a login. No one wants to become a member of every site they visit! Requiring someone register on then login to your site before leaving a comment is sure to weed out most of the people who would ordinarily express their appreciation for your content.
2. Lecture or Talk-At Your Audience. If you want to be sure no one adds anything to what you have to say, just tell them how to do something. Be so complete in your lecture that no one could possibly add to it. Make. Them. Yawn.
3. Never, Ever, Ask Questions. Asking your reader what he thinks, how he’d handle a situation, or if he’s every tried something is an invitation to comment. For goodness sake, forego the questions!
4. Publish Full Posts to The homepage. If you publish excerpts on your home page people have to click through to read the rest, and then they’ll see the comment form! You don’t want that! So, put the whole post on the front page to make sure no one has to click through for more content.
5. Post and Disappear. Once you hit publish, just walk away and never revisit the post. Forget about checking the comments to see who may have actually taken the time to register, login, and get past your lecture to say “Thanks” or ask for help.
Bonus!
Simply, Care. Less. If the above things don’t work to bring your grades down just try the old Care Less attitude. This one will make sure you get an ‘F’ every time. Never respond to comments or questions. Turn off the spam blockers. Post sporadically. Make sure your blog is void of personality. Take up the welcome mat and replace it with some trashy pop-up ads.
I guess I should mention that the above tips will also help to bring down your page views, ad revenue, and overall reputation. *Taking a bow - amazed at my own ability to cover 4 major topics in one post*
At the risk of contradicting myself, I’m asking…
Do you have any more BAD advice for bloggers?
And for No 6 don't forget to put some kind of Captcha facility that is really hard to interpret the numbers and letters ….
DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON CAPTCHAS!
I'd love to ask more questions… but as a new blogger it's embarrassing if no one answers… any suggestions? – Michelle
Michelle, plug away and someone will answer. Join a community that has a good reputation for helping its members and become one of the team, works for me.
Blood pressure alert, blood pressure alert ….
One observation I've had is that with the rise in Twitter, a lot of folks who used to leave one-line and relatively unsubstantial comments such as “great post” or “I totally agree!” won't leave comments anymore, but they'll simply provide that feedback via Twitter.
In a way, that could be nice, if you're really wanting to build a
community with interaction and conversation! Sometimes the quality of
the comments can be more valuable than the number of comments. When
readers see the lively discussions they're more likely to join in and
leave something other than 'good post'
Absolutely! There's nothing wrong with not being answered on every post.
Keep asking. Get a few blogging friends together and agree to help start
the discussion on each other's posts. Once the flow is there people will
be less shy!
OMG, how could I forget Captchas???? I'm one of those people who can't
read 90% of those things and am constantly annoyed at having to refresh
the image several times to find one I can read and type correctly.
Oo, I will put these tips into use right away… hey! wait… hmm. mmm. hmm. Aha!
The lack of comments on complete how-to “lecture” is very true, the occasional “thanks!” is all those posts get. They make great posts, but bad “comment baits” for sure
Thanks guys! I joined a community yesterday, so I'll look forward to seeing how that works. And I just might post a question in my next post… at your post encouragement, Erica! Maybe if I stop being shy, they'll stop being shy.
Now, I better find a way to fix #2 and #4 on the list. 
Didn't mean to turn this comment into a self-help session! lol Thanks, though!
On captchas I agree with the others. Captchas are horrible! Awful, awful, awful! Also, using a font or coloring combination that is really hard to read on your content. Having music that automatically plays is also something that isn't pleasant–if you want to share then offer it as a clickable item but not automatic. I tend to have multiple screens open & often play my own music when I'm online via my computer.
Good post! LOL!! I agree, and I don't like captcha's either… but have been thinking that I need to do something cause the spam is driving me crazy!
Are you using Akismet for spam? How about checking your Settings/Discussion and make sure people's comments are held for moderation if they don't have previously approved comments. You can also tell it to hold all comments with links. Maybe that will help?
– Sent from my Palm Pre
Sorry, I was typing fast and distracted and was not clear! I use Disqus as well for comments. Comments are fine. It's the Contact Page that I am complaining about.
Just recently folks have started bombarding it with jibberish. It drives me nuts.
captcha- one time it was behind the fill in area–couldn't even see it. lol
asking questions– I have a survey up and with a count of 180-230 people hitting the site each day only 25 have filled it out!!! But the things they have mentioned are actually worth my time listening too. so i am not complaining.
it does feel like we are talking to ourselves and responding to it too. Just keep doing it, they'll {the readers} will eventually get it and jump in, or just jump in on the posts they like.
I didn't realize publishing only post snippets on homepage increases comments! I just thought it declutters and faster-loading-ers my homepage. Makes sense, though.
I don't know that it's a proven fact, but I know that personally, if I
can read the whole thing on the front page I'll just keep reading, on
down to the next post. Clicking through to comment interrupts the
flow… I imagine it's the same for others. Seeing that comment form,
and the conversation that's already happening draws you in. You don't
see that unless you click through…
If you don't want to waste time finding friends couldn't you just create a bunch of fake blogs and use them to comment from..
Well this post failed miserably. You got tons of comments.
It doesn't bother me but some people really dislike having to wait for comment approval when it's their first time visiting a site.
Or having to retype their details each time they comment. Again it doesn't bother me.
It does annoy me when someone asks a question and never responds to the comments though. Some well known bloggers do this all the time..