Comments are a blogger’s report card. They let us know if we’re growing, if anyone’s actually interested. Why in the world someone would want to reduce the grade on their blog report, I haven’t the slightest clue, but just in case you do…
Here are a few ways to make sure you don’t receive comments:
1. Require a login. No one wants to become a member of every site they visit! Requiring someone register on then login to your site before leaving a comment is sure to weed out most of the people who would ordinarily express their appreciation for your content.
2. Lecture or Talk-At Your Audience. If you want to be sure no one adds anything to what you have to say, just tell them how to do something. Be so complete in your lecture that no one could possibly add to it. Make. Them. Yawn.
3. Never, Ever, Ask Questions. Asking your reader what he thinks, how he’d handle a situation, or if he’s every tried something is an invitation to comment. For goodness sake, forego the questions!
4. Publish Full Posts to The homepage. If you publish excerpts on your home page people have to click through to read the rest, and then they’ll see the comment form! You don’t want that! So, put the whole post on the front page to make sure no one has to click through for more content.
5. Post and Disappear. Once you hit publish, just walk away and never revisit the post. Forget about checking the comments to see who may have actually taken the time to register, login, and get past your lecture to say “Thanks” or ask for help.
Bonus!
Simply, Care. Less. If the above things don’t work to bring your grades down just try the old Care Less attitude. This one will make sure you get an ‘F’ every time. Never respond to comments or questions. Turn off the spam blockers. Post sporadically. Make sure your blog is void of personality. Take up the welcome mat and replace it with some trashy pop-up ads.
I guess I should mention that the above tips will also help to bring down your page views, ad revenue, and overall reputation. *Taking a bow - amazed at my own ability to cover 4 major topics in one post*
At the risk of contradicting myself, I’m asking…
Do you have any more BAD advice for bloggers?











When describing themselves,