Comments are a blogger’s report card. They let us know if we’re growing, if anyone’s actually interested. Why in the world someone would want to reduce the grade on their blog report, I haven’t the slightest clue, but just in case you do…
Here are a few ways to make sure you don’t receive comments:
1. Require a login. No one wants to become a member of every site they visit! Requiring someone register on then login to your site before leaving a comment is sure to weed out most of the people who would ordinarily express their appreciation for your content.
2. Lecture or Talk-At Your Audience. If you want to be sure no one adds anything to what you have to say, just tell them how to do something. Be so complete in your lecture that no one could possibly add to it. Make. Them. Yawn.
3. Never, Ever, Ask Questions. Asking your reader what he thinks, how he’d handle a situation, or if he’s every tried something is an invitation to comment. For goodness sake, forego the questions!
4. Publish Full Posts to The homepage. If you publish excerpts on your home page people have to click through to read the rest, and then they’ll see the comment form! You don’t want that! So, put the whole post on the front page to make sure no one has to click through for more content.
5. Post and Disappear. Once you hit publish, just walk away and never revisit the post. Forget about checking the comments to see who may have actually taken the time to register, login, and get past your lecture to say “Thanks” or ask for help.
Bonus!
Simply, Care. Less. If the above things don’t work to bring your grades down just try the old Care Less attitude. This one will make sure you get an ‘F’ every time. Never respond to comments or questions. Turn off the spam blockers. Post sporadically. Make sure your blog is void of personality. Take up the welcome mat and replace it with some trashy pop-up ads.
I guess I should mention that the above tips will also help to bring down your page views, ad revenue, and overall reputation. *Taking a bow - amazed at my own ability to cover 4 major topics in one post*
At the risk of contradicting myself, I’m asking…
Do you have any more BAD advice for bloggers?
Yes, but I set it up to fail. You see, I asked a question…
Retyping my details doesn't bother me either. And, neither does having
my comment held for moderation. I feel every site owner has that
privilege. For some, it's as simple as wanting to see every comment.
With DISQUS I get an email each time someone comments, so I get to see
everything right away. I like it that way.
Now, that's an idea! J/K!!!
Becky,
I think it's a percentage thing. I have many many more visits to my site
per day than I have comments. Some people just don't get into 'joining
in.' So long as the comments I receive are quality comments, and
opportunities to build a relationship I don't allow myself to fret about
it. I think it'll be the same with survey answers. The people who
matter, the real community, will answer the questions. Those who just
come and go won't.
Kris,
I had a lot of contact form spam lately too. What plugin are you using?
I loved Contact7 (Think that's what it was called) for months, and now
all of a sudden I'm slammed with spam. Another site I manage (on WPMU)
is using a form that requires someone answer a simple math question.
It's easy to read, simple to do, and keeps the spam out. I need to find
a similar contact form for this site!
Girl, I have been to your site many times before, but just noticed you
have TWO sets of TWINS?!?! How old are they? And, when do you ever find
time to get on the computer? haha
Oh, the auto-play… I wouldn't even get so far as to wonder where to
comment. If something is playing when I enter your site, I'm VERY likely
to exit immediately… That should go in a post about increasing your
bounce rate. haha
Hey, forget all of that other stuff listed here, way too much trouble.
Just close the post to comments in the first place!
Hi Erica,
I'm with Jimi on this one, just disable comments. HA!
I had a serious problem with comments on my Blogger blog until I installed Intense Debate. Comments were being sucked down into what I call the black hole of cyberspace. So I'll say that using the default commenting system on Blogger is a great way to deter comments.
@Ileane
I didn't even know you could install different commenting systems on
blogger! See how long I've been away from all that??? Seriously, blogger
blogs are one my my commenting pet peeves. Especially the ones where I
really have to hunt for the “Leave Comment” link and then it opens
everything in a new window.
Some people just love Blogger and I don't get it. I used it for my first
two years, switched to WP and have never regretted it. I feel like Mike
when he talks about Captchas…. when people start talking about the
blogger platform I start to hyperventilate…
I get what you're saying about excerpts … but I just can't break an article into pieces on the main page. I've tried, but I just feel bad for a poor little half article, seemingly lost in the world.
You're definitely right about requiring a logon. I don't even require an email address on my site, so that guests can leave a comment. I love seeing Gravatars, but comments are great.
I hopped here from your comment on Pro Blogger.
Oh, I was going to add captcha and auto-play. Or how about those trashy pop-up ads that float with you now matter where you scroll. Ack!
[...] 5 Ways to Reduce Your Comment Count [...]
Sorry that i am just replying. Busy week! Yes, I use Contact Form 7 also! I just started having problems like 2 weeks ago. Not really bad, but enough me.
As for the twins… my girls will be 7 next month, and my boys will be 4 in May.
They are good at entertaining each other. LOL!
Can I add IP blockers? ie. systems that prevent two comments from the same IP within a certain amount of time.
To the outside World, our office is one IP address regardless of how many computers are online.
That's true, Graham. I've been on several sites where I've had a problem
with commenting too much in too little time. haha I imagine if you were
in a large office this could be a big problem!!
We are a small office, but we both blog
Lol! This is halarious! Thanks for the good laugh.
Glad it made you laugh. The items on the list seem so common sense to me, that I can't figure out why in the world people actually require things like logins to comment. When they ask me how to get more comments the first thing I do is check their site to see if they've been doing any of these things. haha
Glad you have you at EricaSays.com!